Addictions and Relationships
Hey everyone, sorry I have been away so long, life got busy…and while I have been meaning to write stuff down I never actually got around to it.
I have read this before but a friend posted the link on Facebook. It’s an interesting 15 min watch. Basically people get addicted to things when they have a lack of social connections…and thus they bond “socially” to drugs, sex, porn, alcohol – anything to give them a buzz, that feeling of happiness they are missing in social interactions – we are social creatures after all.
Socialising the addicts again lets them form social bonds again, decreasing their dependency on drugs etc to get that buzz.
I got to thinking about this because of my sister who is an alcoholic and drug abuser. She was always a user of drugs and alcohol but the abuse started when she was lonely – 2 kids, her, and a big farm in the middle of nowhere in QLD. Since then her life has seriously taken a turn for the worse with divorce, her children taken away from her by her ex, and *dating a complete and utter loser asshole* in an on again off again relationship. She goes back to him because she is lonely….and leaves because he is a major ass hat. Thankfully the time to return to him is getting much longer, and she is going to TAFE which means she is socialising again, and that is having great benefits for her – she is motivated again, doing things, moving, not hitting the piss as much.
What prompted me to write this article though was an on again off again relationship of my own. I have written about Ms E before (here, here, and here). We would meet up, hook up, have great sex for a few weeks…then she would start something and I would walk due to a high intolerance of major drama (small dramas occur – this is called life). Weeks or months might pass and the cycle would repeat. The 2nd last time was when I mentioned I was seeing MsA as well – that did not go down well at all at which point it occurred to me that maybe I was not the great communicator I thought I was (I thought MsE knew).
The last time she was drunk, pissed off at a flatmate, and giving me curry for seeing other people since we split – the night did not end well.
The last time she contacted me was a few weeks ago at which point I made it clear I was not interested anymore as the endless loop of boom and bust is just not me. It is just not a healthy relationship, fwb or otherwise.
It occurred to me a few days after watching that video that MsE fitted that addict “role”. She is a very hard worker with huge hours at her job…which made me think she was avoiding things in her life outside of work. Also that need to be loved but without really wanting to let any one in – craving it but pushing it away again (the same as my sister does).
What bums me about the last conversation with MsE….. She started with “are we still talking” to which I replied, the gist of which was that “no, we just go around in circles”, and then a lashout by MsE.
What bums me….addicts are people who are people lacking social interactions…and I shut her down, denied her the very thing she needed. Everyone needs friends. You don’t know their story, their problems, so be gentle on them*.
Be gentle on them… unless they are major ass hats, in which case you just walk away.